Dear Bart,

My name is Johnny I heard you speak this past weekend. Man, you said some things that I know were for the youth but I needed to hear it. I’ve tried to create a safe environment for my youth group, but the kids have been wearing me down and I really needed to hear about making it a team effort. What really bugs me and gets me down is not so much that the kids are crude or rude to me (that’s how they are treated at home) but more so how they tear down each other. I know you got a lot on your plate, but I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I can get them to treat each other better.

Johnny

Thanks for the encouragement! Not much time, but lots of thoughts.

First of all, crafting a culture is tough anyway, but impossible without some like-minded co-conspirators. If you want to show the kids how to treat each other, you’ve got to import some ringers, friends of yours who will help you set that tone…and who will be really responsive when you suggest a new idea or game and be really interested when you are giving a talk. Then you’ve got to concentrate on contrasting the ways you and your insiders joke, play, affirm, confront, forgive each other with the kid’s less-good patterns. It’s more about showing than telling…and to do that you’ve got to rig the group.

Secondly, you’ve got to be really open about confronting what is wrong in the culture without attacking the kids themselves. Reject movie suggestions not because they have sex or swearing, but because they portray lousy ways of relating to other people. Read aloud from books like Letters to a Bullied Girl, or read articles from the paper about kids being mean or destructive, and verbally savage the actions of kids who aren’t your kids (but may be a lot like them). Be ‘out there’ as a champion of the oppressed. Kids say they respect coolness, but if they follow anything at all (and many don’t), they follow passion.

Gotta zoom. Keep the faith!

Bart